P A S S I O N my heart is a battleground.

30th January
Fall Out Boy - Dance,Dance

Alright, so here's the deal. ^^; I ... don't have a computer right now v.v I was SUPPOSED to fix the sound & stuff, but now it's COMPLETELY BROKEN! >o< My mum says she wants me to prove that I'm not addicted to the Internet *rolls eyes* and the better results I get on my tests - the faster I get the computer. At the latest, I'll get it in August! >o< DAMMIT! And I JUST started my blog again. Greeeat. Anyways, I'm on my bro's comp right now. He lets me log online like, once a month. =_=;;

I'm really sorry, guys. >o< It looks like I'm gonna have to take a six-month hiatus until further notice. *bows* Hopefully, I'll be back up on summer-holiday ^____^ Please don't lose hope, lol! I'll let you all know when I'm back! Don't have too much fun without me. <33333

Hikaru - [15:55 PM]

14th January
Koda Kumi - Feel

Hey, guys! ^___^ First of all, HAPPY BE-LATED BIRTHDAY, JEANNEJI! ;D I had a wonderful birthday. >o< I got everything I wanted, lolz! My mum was like, "You are SO spoiled. Not even when it's MY birthday or your brother's, your dad buys this many things." NAHAHAHAHAA! ^___^v I got a TV to my room, a LCD-screen for the computer, a new computertable & computermouse, new black-rimmed "emo" glasses, black pjs from Feminette, $500, a DVD-player to my TV & a new webcam. Waaaah, so many wonderful electronics. My computer sound has been gone for weird reasons ever since summer, and my dad is FINALLY getting it fixed next week! YATTA! :D I can finally play Priston Tale with sound! >o<

My mum was whining to my dad, going all ... "When it's MY birthday, your WIFE, let's see how much you spend. She's your little princess, isn't she?" & my dad was like ... "You're jealous ... of your own daughter? =___=;;" HAHAHAHA! It was hilarious how childish she acted. ^^; My mum is so cute. Anyways ... this has been teh best birthday EVER! I got everything I wanted. ^o^ I'm going on a shopping-spree in a big city at the end of the month too! Woo-hoo! Me & Kristen are going to have soo much fun.

God, I love my friends. >o< Seriously, my birthday this year was the best. My bestfriend Hana came early to my house to walk me to school & she brought gifts. ^o^ She had home-made sweets in this cute dotted box & a Keroppi-keychain which I LOVE! I had been checking it out ever since last year. I <333 that girl. And then I came to school & everybody was like, "Happy Birthday, Hikari!", weee! ;D

I was kind off ticked-off during the morning because Andrew was like, ignoring me or something. =___=;; On my BIRTHDAY. Not even a gratulation from him. So I just avoided him too, meh, who gives, y'know? And then, during socials, he gave me a gift. I was like, aww ... And Alex told me he had been nervous all morning because he was waiting for the right time, lolz. That dork. Me & Andrew are the only ones in class who listen to metal music, it's like a thing that connects us, roflmao! So of course he gave me a CD. ^___^v It was a mixed CD by himself with awesome songs! He spelled Marilyn Manson wrong on the tracklist, though, lolz. Gah, he wants me to listen to Dimmu Borgir but I only find a few of their songs good. The others are too ... long & instrumental for me. ^^;

Anyways, I gave him a hug & stuff. We've never been really THAT close so we hug & stuff, you know? But I feel like the past days, he's been one of my closest guy-friends. Hana isn't like that, she's kind of stiff around boys so that's why I'm all doubting if I should continue with teh tackling, lolz. When I came to school today, he was all ... touchy-feely on me, LOL! =__= Hahaha, but not in a perverted way, it was more like ... putting arm over shoulder, walking closeby & letting me hook arms with him like I do with my girl-friends, you know? If it was in a perverted way, he'd have a HUGE red handprint on his cheek. Hahaha. I think it ticked Marcus off, but whatever. I don't know, I'm not used to this. ^^; And just to make things clear, Andrew is somebody I really want to be good friends with because he's awesome & has the best music taste in the whole SCHOOL! Not somebody I have a crush on, haha. He's like a brother but I suspect Hana doesn't think the same way ...

It's a little weird, she's competing for his attention or something sometimes. I reeaallly hope it won't cause any drama between us, because she's my bestfriend & Andrew is a good friend too. If they hooked up, omfg, it would be awesome! But when they break up, omfg, it will be ... annoying to see us all awkward because of that. =_=^ So I hope we'll stick to our trio of friendship. ^_____^

Alright ... let's talk about Marcus, ne? I'll explain the situation. It's like this, we were partners in Science-class & had alot of fun joking around and stuff but it wasn't like we were friends. THEN he got a crush on me & I freaked out. You see, it's always like this. I always run away whenever I find out somebody actually likes ME. MEEEE! Somebody actually thinks I'm kind of pretty, somebody actually thinks I'm kind of funny. You know? It freaks me out so I kind of ... gave him the cold shoulder afterwards. =___= Yes, yes, I realize I was being immature & stupid but whatever. So then we didn't talk for a long time unless we had to. And slowly, we like talked friendly again. And it's weird, I always feel the need to ... be extra careful of how I look & talk and stuff around those who have crushes on me even though I don't feel the same way.

The feeling of somebody actually liking ME, it makes me feel so self-conscious. ^^; So I try to look exta pretty & shit so I don't 'disappoint' them. Because I don't want Marcus to be like, "Omg, how could I like an ugly girl like her?" At the same time, I find that it's annoying to catch his stares & glances. I realize that it's not only about looks but me & Marcus didn't talk that much and then he suddenly got a crush on me? It has to have something to do with how I look, right? I'm kind of cute? ^^; It's just that my self-esteem about my looks isn't the highest, that's why I get really happy knowing somebody likes me. I'm sure most of you girls are just like, "Oh, but it's just a crush. I don't really care." whenever it happens to you but I feel ... really, really happy. Just because my self-esteem isn't THAT sky-high. It's unfair to Marcus if I give him the wrong signals, so I don't talk or anything with him in fear of saying the wrong things. I just want him to look at me and still think I'm kind of pretty after this long time. ^^; Is it weird ... ? Am I being stupid? =__= DOES ANYBODY FEEL THIS WAY TOO?

Waah, I got alot to say but this post is getting too long. ^^; Since I'm getting my sound fixed next week, I won't be able to go online for a whole week! >o< I'll tell you all about the drama between us girls in my class then. ^.~ Look forward to it, lolz. It's allllllll about bitching & back-stabbing. Did everybody have a safe Friday the 13th, btw? I hope so. ^^; Take care, guys! I love you all. <333333

Hikaru - [13:27 AM]

3th January
Koda Kumi - Birthday Eve

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY, MY LOVELY! I look like crap in the pictures but HERE'S FOR YOU, Myun! I love my twinsoul. <3

Y'll know what happens this month, right? *.* IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! WOO-HOO! IN EXACTLY 9 DAYS! *dances* AND Jeanneji has her birthday in 8 days! ^___^ We rock! I already got two gifts from my lovely dad, tee-hee. <3 A FUCKING FLAT-SCREEN TV to my room! *goes crazy* I seriously was like ... o ___ o You're kidding? *huggles TV* And he gave me pocket-money to go on a shopping-spree too *gets teary* TT.,TT I'm speecheless. Best beginning of birthday EVER.

My mum is buying me new emo-glasses, lol. Black thick-framed ones, I'm sure you've all seen them before. I wish I could get contacts, though. v.v And my brother is getting me a jewelry box or a silver cross, I can't pick. Haha, this sounds strange, doesn't it? I actually choose what I want from him & he buys it for me, within a realistic budget. Yay! Lol. ^o^ I love them all. <333

Alright, let's talk about Christmas, keke? Aaaand ... everything that's happened? Phew, this is gonna be long. Well, I'm in 9th grade now & it is TOUGH. I've never been SO happy to have a free weekened or just a free DAY without homework or tests coming up. It's so packed! v.v I hate our teachers, they're throwing homework to us like confetti. Anyways, on to more interesting things - I'm on speaking terms with Johanna, you all remember her, right? We're actually, friends, I guess. I'll just call her, 'Hana' because I'm being overly paranoid about people finding out about my blog, lol. And Anthon / Andrew, hehe. Anyways, we're the three musqueeters in a way. We even gave him a birthday present, which made all the other guys in our class go insane, of course. ^^;

Um, and about Christmas ... let's see, I got money + a mascara from my mum. My dad gave me a pj-set & money, and my bro got me money, lol. My parents felt bad about working over Christmas so they felt they should give us alot of $$$ to make up for it. Yeah, that's nice. *note the sarcasm* I have to admit I gave them a little guilt-trip about it, but c'mon, what kid isn't disappointed to spend Christmas Eve watching jdoramas alone? u.u At least I had my baby Yamapi to keep me company, lol. So to sum it all up, I've got alot of cash to spend. I'm going to buy a pair of Cheap Monday-jeans & hunt after a gray school-skirt. I've decided to dress like a Japanese school-girl in HS, lolz. White shirts, black socks, tie & all that stuff. And no, I'm not going to dress like a slutty school-girl, it's going to be similar to a typical uniform with the jacket and everything. I'll take pics when the time comes. ^.~ I visited my future HS & it's got a nasty reputation of having spoilt, stuck-up brats so I'm going to piss them off with my individual style, tee-hee. <3 Hikari - pissing people off since the day she was born, roflmao. It's fun to go against the flow.

Life has been good. I'm getting more responsible, or so I'd like to think ... but I could be wrong. =___=;; I'm so nervous/freaked out about my IB entrance exam in April. *bites nails* It's going to be hella tough. I SUCK at Math & I should just go drown myself >o<

My HaloScan is acting weird. =_=^ I thought nobody commented because it's still on '0', that's why I didn't update for a while. ^^; Aww, I love you guys so much. TT.,TT My loyal commentators. <333 I don't have anything "exciting" to write about since it's Winter Break but I'm sure alot of drama will arise once school starts again. v.v Not sure if that's a good or bad thing. Good because it's exciting and keeps me entertained, but bad because ... just so much drama. =___=;;

Recently, a friend of mine commented on how I don't look "asian cute" anymore. WTF is up with that!? It made me kind of sad. I'm not "asian cute" anymore? Oh, yeah? Well, screw you! But I still think about it. v.v It sucks. What kind of friend says that? Anyways, he's an ONLINE friend and saw my latest pictures I posted. So he was like, "Why do you look less asian in your pics?" And I was like ... ? And then, "You still look nice and all ... but I noticed that small change." It's not MY fault my mix is weird. TT.,TT Malaysia & Hong Kong. So I don't exactly look full Chinese, and I was born in Sweden. I mean, I'm not trying to sound racist or something, but having heard you don't "look" like your ethnic ... it feels weird. I guess ... I don't know ... I just felt really offended & depressed. Of course, being the girl I am, I overanalyzed everything he said. And I know, I know, he hasn't seen me in person or anything, but I mean, he "used" to think I was "asian cute" was basically what he was trying to say. Sight ...

Anyways. You guys want to see my pics? ^o^ You haven't seen them before, have you? And PLEASE, I look asian, don't I? ^^; =___=;; I took his comment as a HUGE insult, lol. You might be able to tell. v.v

Teh I'm-so-cool pics.

Teh I'm-so-innocent pics, lol. ^^v Or more like, I-look-like-a-kid-but-I'll-call-it-innocent, LOL. ^^;

That's all from me, ppl! <3 I'll take down the pics soon, I feel uncomfortable having them up. =___=;; Anyways, I'm off to comment on blogs! Love you all! <333

Hikaru - [17:10 AM]

26th December
BoA - Dakishimeru

IS IT POSSIBLE!? Yes, it's possible! HIKARI HAS OFFICIALLY RISEN FROM THE DEAD! *dances* Yatta! I'm back ^o^ Phew ... it took me quite a while to get things back up again. I was used to using FTP and stuff since I was hosted before, but now I'm on Diaryland, as you can see v.v Hopefully, I'll be hosted soon again! ^o^ I still don't know where my former hostess went, she just disappeared - poof! =_= And I gave up on the blogging-life TT.,TT

See my bootiful layout? :D Featuring the lovely Utada Hikaru. Gosh, I love that woman TT.,TT Her music rocks! Bah, this'll just be a short entry to let you all know I'm back! I still haven't brushed my teeth yet x.X I just woke up, lol.

IT'S CHRISTMAS BREAK!

^Random, lol ^___^;;

Hikaru - [13:11 PM]